Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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