if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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