i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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