i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize