She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
