lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
