Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
