Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
