so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize