This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
