I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
