The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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