u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize