The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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