drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
