we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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