I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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