When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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