btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize