Don't make out with my wife yet
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm like, not good at living.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
