So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
