She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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