So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
