the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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