Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
