you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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