I could have mohawked her pubes.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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