i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize