wat bout pragnant strippers??
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
