dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
