you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
it's like heaven, but drunker
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
