We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
