I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
