It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize