I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
