plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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