just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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