She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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