right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
