This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
