ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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