I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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