Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
