.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize