I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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