i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
