I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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