My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
