I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
