True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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