sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
