Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
