I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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