Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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