I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Two words: blizzard sex
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
