nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
