Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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