Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize