Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
