my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He felt like a one man threesome
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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