I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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