Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
