I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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