And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
