The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
