just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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