if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
