Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
