I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize