I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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