if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
