Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Randomize
