so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
