standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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