I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
