genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize