Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Fuck appropriateness.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Randomize
