I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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