Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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