Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
