So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
