I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
it wasn't lemon gatorade
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
we're so committed to being not committed
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
