It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
