I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
