I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
