Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
