I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
