Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
tell me about the eggs
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize