I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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