just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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