god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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