I CAN MOONWALK!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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