I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
