My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
birth control should be required to get into college
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
