So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
