then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
