I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize