Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
