a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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