I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
