hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I love you.
Bad choice
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
