Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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